your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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