My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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