I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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