sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
