If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
