There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Found the puke drawer
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
