I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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