So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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