just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
