It's like God shit irony all over that family
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
