I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
