Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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