2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
