hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
