ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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