I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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