i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize