so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
