If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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