Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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