I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
