her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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