okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
