he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
