...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
