I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
