It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
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She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
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I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize