Pants 0. Shit 1.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
