wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
