Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
