I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
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did i walk over a car last night?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
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I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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