Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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