Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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