Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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