I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
