What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
