Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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