yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
