He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences In Dating Men And Women
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable