hotel room ftw
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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