Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
