I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
