you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
