Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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