Redeem this text for a blowjob
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
