i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
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Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
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Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
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