She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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