im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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