I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
