I never want to see another naked old woman again.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize
