my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
