I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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