is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
