Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
