i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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