I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
