I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
