So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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