dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Randomize
