Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
