I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
