i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Randomize
