I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
