he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
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I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
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Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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