The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
