You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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