If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
