my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
