Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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