four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
