It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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